Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
