She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
