if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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