you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The adults are the big ones right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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