nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
