He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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