I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
