i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
