haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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