New low: just hacked my moms facebook
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
