East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
