My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
