Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
