hell yes lets make some ravioli
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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