Texts From Last Night

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  (754): View more from Florida

  do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?

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  (754): do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer? http://tfl.nu/0t31
  Replies (10) Good night (3041) Bad night (1328)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

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  (413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c
  Replies (46) Good night (2145) Bad night (5500)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

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  (910): he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it http://tfl.nu/qxjz
  Replies (13) Good night (3981) Bad night (1411)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van

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  (817): He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van http://tfl.nu/z2ov
  Replies (2) Good night (2205) Bad night (916)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.

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  (815): He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background. http://tfl.nu/8wbf
  Replies (5) Good night (680) Bad night (1832)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.

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  (412): lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty. http://tfl.nu/zyd0
  Replies (6) Good night (1304) Bad night (925)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions

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  (615): Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions http://tfl.nu/mr16
  Replies (24) Good night (2853) Bad night (760)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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  (480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o
  Replies (5) Good night (3054) Bad night (651)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.

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  (+61): Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere. http://tfl.nu/z8sw
  Replies (5) Good night (784) Bad night (1322)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.

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  (417): Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail. http://tfl.nu/0q6b
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (499)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.

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  (303): My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief. http://tfl.nu/edfe
  Replies (3) Good night (1126) Bad night (492)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think

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  (410): That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think http://tfl.nu/xmfy
  Replies (1) Good night (757) Bad night (490)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.

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  (678): i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie. http://tfl.nu/fnuq
  Replies (9) Good night (565) Bad night (502)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.

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  (613): Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/f8yo
  Replies (0) Good night (346) Bad night (545)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.

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  (504): I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now. http://tfl.nu/1all
  Replies (1) Good night (336) Bad night (440)

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