Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Billy Mays died!

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?

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(248): View more from Michigan

today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(423): View more from Tennessee

She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"

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(319): View more from Iowa

She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported

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(517): View more from Michigan

This baby is an asshole

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(515): View more from Iowa

I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.

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