I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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