five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
