I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
