When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Girls should come with a carfax report
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
