Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
