Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So. Much. Porn.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
