it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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