sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
as a side note pls kill me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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