so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
