I just threw up on my dentist
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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