the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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