I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
