my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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