Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
