I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
...so i touched it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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