dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I still have a little drunk in my system
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
