My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
