just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
