When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
