I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
