I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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