When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
