Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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