he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
someone owes me an orgasm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
