I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
