Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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