that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
