I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
