am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
