It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
