YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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