walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
