i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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