Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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