Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize