Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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