I can tuck mytits in my pants
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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