similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Houston, we have a blender
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
