So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
