Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
