True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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