I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
