Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Please don't give away my fajitas
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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