I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
