rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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