Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
