evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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