I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
