bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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