dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
