How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
