new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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