I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
