I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
