I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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