Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
