i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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