I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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