Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want her autograph on my taint
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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