I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
