I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
