What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
