I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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