We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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