Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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